HOH Challenge Punishments

Just a reminder of what I need to do:

Write each Host a love letter (Arisaw, Moolissaw & Billy), each has to be at least 500 words, must be personalized & original (I will google) & you cannot vote until you have done this.

Sweet Arisa,

Not only are you the best host of Big Brother in history, but you are played by the best host of any online ORG on the planet. Not only do you look good, not only do you smell good, not only do you have the smile of an angel, but you are truly one of a kind. When I think of you, I can't help but go all warm and fuzzy inside. Like a hot pocket, I suppose, or one of those things that taste sweet that you can put in the toaster. Anyhow, I digress. You are, my fire. My one, desire. Yes, they are lyrics, but they mean everything to me and now, I hope, they mean everything to you too. I hope you know that even without this punishment, this would be a letter that I would want to write to you. You have changed my life in ways I will never forget. Who else could keep me up to all hours of the night to play games? As Gemma Collins once said, I'm sick to death of fucking games, I'm all gamed out! But still, you keep me coming back for more. You have that magical ability to make me want to come back time and again and for that, you must be celebrated.

Love is a strange word. Some think that it means to want to rip the clothes off of someone at every opportunity. Others think it is a much more subtle thing than that. It's a feeling for sure, but a feeling of what? That is subjective. For you, Arisa, it is all of those things and much more. If you were a Lord of the Rings character, you would be Galadriel. If you were a Game of Thrones character, you would be Cersei and I would be Jaime. Yes, even incestuous love wouldn't break our bond. Jokes. But I digress.

The very fact that your last name is COX speaks volumes. You know the way to my heart, and it is right there, in your last name. Cox. Cocks. The very thing that I love. The only woman I could ever love - one that embeds that within her own name.

Now I know our time together in Big Brother Quarantine Season 12: SAW: New Players, Different Pieces, Some Rules the Same, Some New Comps, Headline 2, may not be as long as we would want. If it were possible, I would spend an entire lifetime with you. but you are across the pond. Through the skies. I do not have the money for a private jet. If I did, I would be in your arms right now, and you in mine. We would be entangled in a love triangle but not with a third person, simply with our limbs. It would be kinda awkward but we wouldn't mind, because ultimately our goal is to be together.

For now I must go, my sweet, sweet Arisa. But know that I think of you often and always.

Yours, forever,

Mark Hoffman.

Moolissa. Moo. Cow Lips. Snout Face. Fluffy but Deadly. The cow to my milk. Let me feel those udders one last time before we part. This is a message. A shoutout, if you will. A declaration, in fact. One of my love, for you, you beautiful bovine babe. How could anybody resist such a fine looking specimen? And that hair? don't get me started on how many times i have sat down and thought about stroking my fingers through those luscious locks. What a woman you are. And I know that I am just a simple man, but I am one that would treat you right. I would milk you only whenever absolutely necessary to stop you feeling any pain from your inflated udders. I would keep you away from the slaughterhouse. I would go vegan for you, Moo. Mel. Moolissa. Melanie. Anything for you, my sweet cattle goddess.

Whenever I drive past a McDonald's now, I throw tomatoes at the windows. I know what they've done to your loved ones for decades upon decades. Such cruelty, to force your relatives to become the food that this vile humanity consumes. Sure, you do taste great, especially when covered with melted cheese and a slather of Heinz Tomato Ketchup, but is that incredible moment on the lips really worth a lifetime of misery for you and your kind? I think not. In fact, I am enacting a plan in your name. I have put in action something that will bring down every McDonald's in the country and, after doing so, will form a new chain of restaurants called Moolissa's Menu. It's all for you. Every single dish will be grass-based. I don't care if they taste like shit, this is what the people deserve after being so horrible to you lovely creatures for so long.

I digress. For now, let me talk a bit more about how much I worship you and that lovely, lumpy body. Lumpy Space Princess has nothing on you, my dear. I believe that they should remake the film Black Beauty. I know it's about a horse, but cows are the real regal creatures of this world. That noise you make when you are excited, happy, sad, lonely, angry, in charge, being led to your murder... it's just something that sticks in the ears. A noise I will never forget, and a noise that I personally hope I can make you make as well. In the best way, of course.

If there was no moon and no sun, no stars and no galaxies, I know that I would still be happy in this crazy world Moo. I would still be happy, so long as you were here. You are everything, and I know you know that, but you need to be reminded. I hope that this letter, or note, has done that for you. I would climb Mount Everest for you. I would jump off the top without a parachute for just one loving glance. I love you, Moo.

Yours, Mark.

Billy Eilish, or Billy the Puppet? Whoever you are... whoever lurks beneath the surface of that mysterious persona... I have a confession to make. The past few nights. Well, let's just say they've left me in a bit of a sweat. I have woken in the early hours, disturbed by my dreams. I am strapped to a chair, with knives in front of my face, and a sinister voice is telling me that for some reason, if I do not learn how to use a forum, or message board, then I will die. The knives will be plunged into my face, and I will rot away in that chair and that abandoned warehouse, with nobody around to ever find me. It would be my final resting place.

Then, I hear the squeaking. That familiar tone, as your tricycle wheels slowly turn and you come around the corner. I don't know what it is, but as soon as I see you and that chin which would make even the Crimson Chin himself jealous, I melt. I know that with you in my line of sight, I have something to live for. I just need to know that you feel the same way. Otherwise, these scrapings on my face caused by those aforementioned knives? They will be all for nothing.

I love you in your puppet state. I love how your limbs dangle when I hold you in the air. I love how light you are. I love that despite having no sentient mind, you still know how to ride a tricycle. All of those things are just a small slice of what makes you such an incredible being, and someone who is powerful, and who I want to be around for the rest of my days. Without you, I would wither away. So please, make this same commitment back to me, my sweet Angel of Darkness.

I'm not a Bad Guy, though I have heard that you are inclined to talk to those. Instead, I am a simple man. I try my best to uphold the law, but sometimes, I let the lure of criminality get the better of me. I am not squeaky clean, but I have good morals. And isn't that what you want, my sweet Billy? My good, kind, but always ruthless puppet God?

If you want me to take lives for you, it is something I am willing to do. I would change my entire life for you. Just give me a chance. I know that nobody out there feels the way I do about you. Sure, you could get a restraining order, but I've seen all of the seasons of YOU on Netflix, so let's be honest, I'm just gonna keep coming back until you give in. I'll be Joe, you can be Love. Deal? Well, without the events of the last season's final few episodes, I would hope.

I look forward to hearing back from you. I so hope it is good news. Yours, forever. Mark.